Mouse Farts in a Wind Tunnel

January 8, 2003

Police, resident clash in dispute: Kettering woman walking dogs lands in handcuffs

We're on a roll in Dayton, Ohio, and it's not even two weeks into the new year.

Hemmert-Emmons said while being taken into custody, Csizma put his hand in her pants pocket while frisking her. The police reports state Csizma handcuffed her and checked her coat pockets.

Hemmert-Emmons, who said she was not handcuffed yet, said, “ ‘Stop doing that,’ and I pushed him. That's when he said: 'You're under arrest.' He threw me down in the snow, pushed me very hard."

The police reports state she kicked him in the shin and Csizma pulled her to the ground to stop the scuffle.

Police department spokesman Glen Evans said that action is “a reasonable tactic that we use."

Ms. Hemmert-Emmons is 66 years old.

posted by el goose on 1/8/2003 02:41:56 PM | link

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January 7, 2003

Woman accused of dragging officer

Another story from the Dayton Daily News.

FAIRFIELD | Police on Monday arrested a woman they said used her car to drag an officer, lead (sic) them on a chase for 30 minutes and then refuse to get out of her vehicle until she finished her beer.

Yep. I'm back in Ohio. I'll never escape.

posted by el goose on 1/7/2003 01:14:19 PM | link

Police: Urbana mom faked girl’s leukemia for money

Here's a recent DDN favorite.

Inmates sue about jail’s care response

And another.

"We try to treat them as humanely as possible," [Montgomery County Sheriff Dave] Vore said.

That's a relief.

posted by el goose on 1/7/2003 01:22:30 PM | link

The Poet Laureate of the Planet Earth

Oh, dear.

Wit and Wisdom of Thorne Peters

"Men are conquerors and women are sexual. It's fire and water. No man wants to fuck a woman that wants to fuck; there's nothing to conquer."

"I'll tell you why doctors and lawyers scare the hell outta me; no matter how long they've been on the job, they still call what they do for a living: 'practice.' "

"Who the hell wants to wait for an airplane in a place called terminal?"

"Caucasians are the only race of people that contemplate their prejudice and it will ultimately be our undoing."

The best the planet Earth has to offer, by far.

posted by el goose on 1/7/2003 05:14:44 PM | link

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January 6, 2003

Who is your dragon spirit guide?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am addicted to internet quizzes. They are much more fun than horoscopes and shorter than Myers-Briggs tests.

Probably because I am a self-involved narcissist. Like Alexander Hamilton or Martin Luther, who are apparently more similar than you might have imagined. Or should I have said "More like me," good narcissist that I am?

posted by el goose on 1/6/2003 01:43:20 PM | link

I feel the need to point out that I am in no way a dragon freak. In fact, as a point of principle, I do not read stories with dragons in them, except for The Hobbit. I just needed to clarify that. I mean, I'm a freak in many ways, but not a dragon-y unicorn-y crystal-y one. Except that I wouldn't mind having a spirit guide.

Just not a fake shaman one. I reject all forms of spiritual imperialism and tourism. I am busy enough in my own tradition, when I can muster the energy. For a lovely blog about one man's journey, see Real Live Preacher.

posted by el goose on 1/6/2003 02:29:44 PM | link

If the oyster was my spiritual guide, its wisdom would include:

Ability to filter out life’s static

Understands when to close doors to prevent energy loss

Sensitivity to environmental changes

Maintenance of outer wall of protection

They forgot the wisdom to turn irritation into pearls of wisdom. Or some such.

If the bacterium was my spiritual guide, its wisdom would include:

Quick movement

Simplicity

Understanding the primitive

Use of size to escape detection

They forgot to include the wisdom of anaerobic respiration.

Guess what the virus's wisdom includes.

I can't help myself. I find this simply ridiculous. Which isn't to say that having a spirit guide is ridiculous. The attempt of privileged westerners to have spirit guides is ridiculous. Spiritual tourism at its finest.

posted by el goose on 1/6/2003 02:47:18 PM | link

And now for something completely different:

Crime-scene cleaners not queasy lot

This is why I can't completely ignore the Dayton Daily News, as much as I really would like to.

posted by el goose on 1/6/2003 03:04:04 PM | link

It's the Archie Comics/Lord of the Rings crossover!

Bad Fellowship of the Rings captions.

Thanks, Roger.

posted by el goose on 1/6/2003 03:46:41 PM | link

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